Fatherhood Programs

Fatherhood programs can not only help your school or institution connect better with men but also create some lasting benefits for all people involved. Here are four things to know about what fatherhood programs or presentations can do for your group.

1. You will empower men to be more active in their families.
Times have changed and men must no longer limit themselves to just the roles of just 9-5 workers who have no genuine contact with their kids. However, for many men there is still a divide between wanting to spend more time with their kids and knowing how to be active with their children. When you build programs that help men be better dads, you teach men how to move from being just a parent to an involved daddy.

2. You will create a more stable home environment for the children in your schools.
A parent who knows how to parent and nurture their children will have more chances to build a stronger home for their kids. When you teach men how to embrace fatherhood, you teach men to be present and responsive to their kids. Like a foundation in a building, this investment in the unseen support structure of fathering pays off. Knowledge creates power. This empowering of dads creates strong family foundations.

3. Dads will start to volunteer and participate more in your other offerings.
Here is the thing that many program coordinators aren’t aware of: many men are uncomfortable in school settings. Women dominate most educational settings and it can be intimidating for some men to enter into these political structures. By offering fatherhood programs that help men understand their roles with their children, you are signaling that you are a “man friendly” institution and the you are doing everything you can to acknowledge and accept their gifts of time and presence.

4. Programs taught by men for other men model good parenting behavior.
As your programs grow and you can begin to train and utilize men as presenters and instructors, you will be providing a role-model of strong fathers. Although female instructors are very capable to teach essential concepts, younger and new fathers will especially benefit from having male mentors in training positions. There’s an old adage that says “iron sharpens iron,” and this is especially true in helping men become good parents.

Although fatherhood programs in your school or program will initially seem to be for the good of the men themselves, you will find that your entire community will gain from the time and resources spent on teaching men to be good dads

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The author, Sean Buvala, has been storytelling and teaching fathering groups for more than 25 years. As well, he’s the author of “DaddyTeller: How to be A Hero to Your Kids.” He offers programs for fathers across the U.S. and Canada. You can learn more at http://www.fatherhoodprograms.net. You can also see many free training videos at his site at http://www.daddyteller.com

In my fatherhood programs and conversations, dads always comment that they are amazed what their sons have learned from them “when I never even talked about that.” Fathers, while you might think you only teach your son when you are talking to him, he is watching you and learning from your actions from a very early age. He’s learning these 10 things from you whether you think you are teaching or not.

1. How to learn.
For many boys, dad is the role model to follow for education. If dad talks positively about education and continues to pursue his own learning, then the son will see this as important. If the dad disdains learning, the son will, too. While there are many factors that play into school success for a boy, dad’s attitude toward formal learning is a foundational aspect.

2. How to treat women.
How a boy’s dad acts toward and talks about women will directly influence the son’s view of women. This applies to both the right and wrong way to behave. A man who treats women with respect will create a son who knows the right way to behave with women in the future.

3. How to play fair.
There are gracious ways to win and lose at both games and business. A dad who is living out some old issues and “must win” in every situation will create a son who will mimic that same behavior. This starts very early in life, with angry boys starting in the sandbox.

4. How to control anger.
Dealing with anger is probably the one thing that unites men on this planet across all categories. That angry boy mentioned in number 3 above needs his dad to step in and take control. While it is certainly normal that all men get angry, does your son see you remain in control of the angry actions you take?

5. How to treat others.
When you encounter the homeless on the street, how do you react? Do you treat the homeless with the same respect you show to your coworkers? People are people and your son learns about equality from you.

6. How to make a decision.
Does your son see you ask questions, weigh options and talk with others? Or, does he only see you rush headlong into the unknown? Which do you want him to do when he is older?

7. How to take risks.
On the other hand, do you always play it safe? While home should be a place for comfort and security, the world will sometimes require your son to “bet it all.” When he thinks of you, will he recall a man afraid of choice or one who takes calculated risks?

8. How to make priorities.
“My kid never spends time with his family.” He learns that behavior from dad. If you have put your work before your family, then in those adolescent years ahead, he will not make time for you.

9. How to drink.
As a dad, do you pride yourself on how many alcoholic drinks you can slam down? When your boy is faced with his first encounters with alcohol, do you want him to imitate your behavior? When he is in college, will he be trying to keep up with his “old man” who drinks like a proverbial fish? Or, will your son remember his responsible dad?

10. How to drive.
As an experienced driver, there is probably a certain comfort level you have attained in your driving, perhaps even making it look like a casual experience. Your teenager will make good driving decisions based on how he sees you drive. He’s been paying attention to how you drive long before you were aware of it. What’s he going to recall: casual indifference to the road and laws or a responsible man who made adult choices?

Dad, your boy is watching you. What is he seeing?

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Sean Buvala, is the author of “DaddyTeller: How To Be a Hero to Your Kids” and a national workshop presenter and coach. Photo illustration courtesy of Fotolia.

A sample video from one of Sean Buvala’s fatherhood programs.

Yep, money is tight but that is not going to stop you from being a great dad. First off, since this isn’t 1950 any more, I don’t have to tell you how important it is for you to find time to spend being Dad with your kids and not at your kids, right? With that settled, here are some ways you can do several fun things with your kids that will cost you nothing or are otherwise very inexpensive.

1. Take a walk.

Go walking your children around the block, around the park, around your back yard if you must. You will most likely need the exercise to get rid of your growing middle and your child needs to see something besides the TV or the back of your head while they ride in your car.

2. Go to the zoo (or something like that).

Get off the expensive and mind-numbing amusement-park daddy-go-round. There are affordable places (like museums and zoos) for you to go where your child can see new things, touch a turtle, make some pictures and hear a dinosaur’s roar or the like. This is a huge learning opportunity for your kid and most of these places are very affordable to visit. Super hint: many museums have monthly or weekly free-admission days. I know this will be hard for some dads who do not like to be in places like this. News flash: This is about your kids, not you and your boring man-world. With my kids now much older, I regret not having done more of this with them when they were little.

3. Eat in an interesting place.

Sure, the in-front-of-the-TV space has become the new kitchen table. Try having more meals at the dining room table. Then, get interesting and have a picnic. Make sandwiches, grab some chips and celery sticks and go sit somewhere to eat. The park or the tables outside the mall will work just fine. You are making memories here, dad. Warning: this is for your little kids. Do this outside the mall with pre-teens and you might die from the dirty looks they will give you.

4. Tell your kid a story. No books allowed.

Yep, put down that storybook and tell your kids some stories. Look your kid in the eye and tell them stories in your own way. You will bond with them and help them with their future literacy at the same time.

5. Do some full-body finger painting.

No little child can resist finger paint. On a warm day, grab some big pieces of paper, put out the cheap finger paints and go at the art-thing with your toddler. We found a roll of cheap paper at the teaching-supply shop and watched our kid paint up her body and roll about on the paper. Now we had huge art and great memories.

6. Wash your car.

Frankly, you could wash anything with rags and suds and your toddler or preschooler would be happy. Get out buckets, sponges, plenty of dish-soap and your grubby clothes and wash your car. Or a fence. Or your front door. Or your dog. Wet-laughing will ensue.

7. Make cookies.

In the old days, you had to know how to make cookie dough before you could bake cookies. If you know how to do make dough, that is all the better. Short of making dough, you can buy pre-made buckets of cookie dough at nearly any grocery store. Buy the dough and a few inexpensive candies or sprinkles and you have baking fun. When you are waiting out the baking times, do number 4 above.

There are many more ways to spend some inexpensive time with your kid. Your time shared with a child is more important than the money you spend in that time. Dive in now as they will be giant tweens before you know it. Then, you will need a new list.

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The author, Sean Buvala, has four children ranging in age from preteen to adult. He especially likes number four in this list (storytelling) as he is the author of the fatherhood training book, “DaddyTeller: How to be a Hero to Your Kids and Teach Them What’s Really Important by Telling Them One Simple Story at a Time.”

You can get lots of free training videos and order the book at http://www.daddyteller.com. Or, follow his latest articles and vids from your perch at Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/daddyteller

So, new dad, you want to know how you can bond with your new baby? We’ve created some fatherhood programs for dads and we can tell you: closeness and tenderness with your child is rewarding for your baby and you will discover how much being a caregiver does for you. Slow down, relax and enjoy the new son or daughter. Here are nine ways for dad to bond with the baby.

1. Take over some feedings.
Do not let this powerful moment of bonding go by you. In infants, the focal-point of their eyes is about the distance from an adult’s chest to their face. Amazing how nature worked that out. Dads- grab the bottle (formula or breast milk) for these moments. When solid food comes along, grab the spoon and go at the feeding. Wear an old shirt if you are worried about the mess.

2. Be a part of baby care.
Diaper changing makes some men cringe. Do not panic: it’s only poop and it washes off. If you have a messy baby to clean up, strip down yourself and jump into the shower or bath with them. All that skin time is good for you and the baby.

3. Take your baby on solo errands.
Pack up the baby-bag, strap the kid into the car seat and go about your business to the store, the post office, the bank or wherever your daily tasks may be. Make “where are we going next” the adventure for even the youngest child. Remember- never leave your baby unattended in the car- even for a minute.

4. Learn about child development.
You might be a dad that knows it all about raising kids. More than likely, you will benefit when you take some of that Internet-surfing time to check out the huge number of sites about parenting, fathering and raising kids. Watch videos and read articles.

5. Have some physical play with your baby.
You are the ultimate monkey bars to the toddler child. Get on the floor and let the rambunctious activity start. Even your little baby makes a good and giggling resistance weight for arm-curls, squats and bench-pressing.

6. Strap the kid onto your body.
A backpack on your back that lets your child see over your head or a front-facing baby holder gives your baby a much-needed new view on the world. Not only are you the child’s personal monkey-bars, but while wearing your baby, you are also a ladder with legs as your child sees the world from a new height.

7. Sing a song and tell stories with your baby.
No one is going to judge you for being silly or not singing well. Your baby develops language skills by hearing and using language. Make up stories as you go along, you do not need a storybook. Create songs or sing the best-of-the-90′s from memory. You will be building your child’s future literacy success, too.

8. Take pictures.
Tons of digital pictures are a gift you are making to your future self. Take loads of pictures and save them on a good hard drive. Go through those pictures and print out some of the best. Keep them on your desk at work or wherever you spend your working time. Switch out your photos on a regular basis.

9. Relax around your baby.
While you do not want to take dangerous risks with your baby, you will find that you are going to be more competent than you might at first think. You are different from the child’s mother; you will parent in your own unique way. Don’t strive for being perfect. Rather make it a point to be present and involved with your child.

Most dads have some initial nervousness with their new baby. Why not make it a point to use some of these ideas with your baby soon?

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The author, Sean Buvala, has four children ranging in age from preteen to adult. As well as presenting workshops and classes nationally since 1986, he is the author of “DaddyTeller: How to be a Hero to Your kids and Teach Them What’s Really Important by Telling Them One Simple Story at a Time.” Learn more about Sean’s fatherhood programs at http://www.fatherhoodprograms.net or follow him on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/daddyteller

Can’t have fatherhood programs without having fatherhood. So you have gone from Dude to Dad with the arrival of your new baby? Here’s a mini parenting class in five ideas, both practical and philosophical.

1. Babies are learning machines.
Although your baby may look like a cheese-covered banshee when fresh out of the womb, that wriggly body is surrounding a knowledge-absorbing brain that acts like an information sponge from the very beginning. Your child is born to learn and life is ready to teach. Forget what you have heard about “making learning fun.” Your child instinctually seeks out knowledge. Speak to her in real words. Ask her questions about things even before she can respond with words of her own. Take her with you to the many places you go and point out new sites, sounds and people. You do not always need expensive infant toys or educational programs. You are the best teacher for your baby.

2. Your child needs your unique personality.
Men and women parent differently. For both moms and dads, our job is to assure the life and safety of our kids. Dad- your job is to guide your child gently into new experiences. You pass on your values to your child by words and actions. Consider it your job to introduce your baby to “what’s next.”

3. Your infant will grow up very fast.
You will never regret anything so much in your life as not spending enough time with your kids. In the midst of diapers, colic, worrying about bills or whatever occupies your mind, your child is growing and changing every single day. The first year of life and early puberty hold lighting-fast changes within your child. Take pictures, look your infant in the eye and engage them for some time every day. For in the space of a metaphoric tomorrow, they will be driving away in the car to a life away from you.

4. Every stage of life moves backwards and forwards at times.
Expect progress and do not panic over setbacks. Your baby will show great verbal skills one day and the next day spend their time just crying. Walking comes quickly and then maybe the baby “forgets” how to walk the next day. Your child may be sitting up before every other kid at the day-care center but still not be able to put two words together when other babies are using sentences. These are all stages and there is a wide time-span when a child “should” do something.

5. Babies cry for a reason.
Your baby cries to communicate that there is a problem. Crying is supposed to be annoying as it is the signal from the baby to the parent to pay attention immediately. After some time, you will come to recognize different types of cries. There most likely will be one sound for hunger, one for dirty diapers and another for pain. Do not worry; you will learn to recognize these sounds. When a baby cries, take action. If you have tried all the solutions you can, strip the baby naked and be sure that there are no pins, pokes, constrictions and more affecting the child’s body. Finally- ask for help when you need it. Never hesitate to call an expert, doctor or trusted family member when you are in need of real guidance.

Being a dad is a great adventure. It is frustrating and rewarding all at the same time. Stay relaxed and focused on your child and you will do a great job.

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The author, Sean Buvala, has four children ranging in age from preteen to adult. As well as presenting fatherhood programs, workshops and classes nationally since 1986, he is the author of “DaddyTeller: How to be a Hero to Your kids and Teach Them What’s Really Important by Telling Them One Simple Story at a Time.” Learn more about Sean’s fatherhood programs at http://www.daddyteller.com or follow him on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/daddyteller

Photo ©Suprijono Suharjoto – Fotolia.com

Building some fatherhood programs for your organization? I’d like to share with you four quick tips I have learned after 25 years of professional speaking and presenting to parenting classes and families.

1. Be sure to list the objectives of your program very clearly in your marketing.

If you want men to spend time in your program, then clearly lay out the objectives of your presentation. “You will leave this workshop with 2 simple ways to talk to your teenager about tough topics” is a much better promise than, “Be a good dad with teens.”

2. Keep the initial program short and to the point.
If you want the fathers in your group to attend training, you must give them a visible way out or, in other words, a “light at the end of the tunnel.” A two-hour workshop that is well organized and focused will be much better received than an all-day seminar. In addition, if your speaker is organized, you will probably teach more in those two hours rather than in an expanded day.

3. Leave time for private questions.

Whenever I teach events for and with dads, I know that I have to allow time for questions after the presentation. For whatever reason, some men just cannot ask questions in a group. Perhaps it is fear of appearing to not know an answer, but many times, I will have a line of men all asking the same question about the subject we just covered. I am happy to answer these questions as I have come to expect this behavior every time I present.

4. Provide a way for men to go more in-depth on the subject presented.

Although you have planned your event to be short and to-the-point, you will find many men who want to go more in-depth about the particular aspect of fatherhood you have been teaching. So, plan for additional ways your audience can get more information. This could be in a website, telecourse or even additional classes. You might have a smaller number of participants, but you will be providing a valuable service to those that attend as well as to their families.

In the end, fatherhood programs should be an important part of your approach for parenting seminars and workshops. Keep these four tips from this article about parenting as you create new opportunities for the families you serve.

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Sean Buvala is the author of “DaddyTeller: How to Be A Hero to Your Kids,” a full-time storyteller and national workshop presenter. You can learn more about him at http://www.seantells.com or follow his fatherhood training events on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/daddyteller

Fatherhood Programs video from YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3nGJR1sv1s. See many more free training videos from Sean Buvala at http://www.daddyteller.com/vids.

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